Collective Bargaining...

If you know us, you are probably aware of our "snack bandit." It's an issue that we've dealt with for years the source of many frustrating moments. Cakes, brownies, fruit snacks, cookies or any other sugar-laden treat has a particular motto in our house: now you see it, now you don't.

It's not that I don't want the kids to have treats, it just that they eat them all in one sitting and I usually don't get any. I love treats, too. The only thing standing between me and the 20 lbs I want to lose is dessert. And carbs...I love carbs, too.

Anywhoo...I picked up a couple of boxes of fruit snacks to take whenever we've got a game or something afterschool and we can't get home for snack. Well, last night, I noticed that someone, perhaps a group of three girls or one solitary eight year old, but someone had picked off one entire box of fruit treats.

I'll fast forward through the usually denials and emphatic finger pointing and move on to the fun part. Well, in order to get the guilty part to fess us, I usually have to throw them all under the bus and threaten to ground them all from the computer and the Wii if no one 'fesses up. This method always creates more peer pressure than I could ever generate with threats.

Then, the most important part...I leave the room.

The girls are left to hash/beat/cajole/threaten each other if the guilty party doesn't come clean, kinda like a collective bargaining session. There are bribes for coming clean. Periodically, there's a threat of minor bodily harm or the always effective "I won't let you come in my room anymore" threat. Typically, this process only takes about 1/2 hour. I know things are coming to a head when one of the non-guilty parties is sent to me bringing the following statement: "So, what's the punishment for the one who did it?"

I dunno...depends on how I'm feeling that day. Depends on how long it takes them to come back to me.

Last night, I had two words for the union gathered in my dining room...No Deal.

The non-guilty party scurried back in the room and frantic whispering ensued. I wasn't in any mood to make a deal because I know who swiped the treats.

A few minutes later, the guilty party shuffled into the kitchen with a meek smile and spilled her story. After I conducted the all-important verification process (this is to make sure that her sisters weren't making her the 'fall guy'), I thanked her for telling the truth.

Then I took away her Webkins, which is a fate worse than a spanking and grounding put together.

I don't always win, but when I do, good for me.

"Face"-ing It...

On the last episode of Barbie's Road Trip - Driving at Night...

I had insomnia. It was a well-timed bout of insomnia because when I came downstairs, my front door was open. Since I live in a more urban area, having your front door open in the middle of the night isn't the best way to keep one's stuff on the inside, rather than unintentionally on the outside.

You know, people do weird things when they can't sleep. Some eat junk food, some watch infomercials and others pace the floor. Not me...I finally found the time to get on Facebook.

I've had friends nagging me for months about getting this done and I've been dragging my feet. So, at 2:30am, I got to work. First point of contention...figuring out which photo to use. Let's be honest, I wanted to find a great photo of me that captured my best side. I wanted long lost friends to exclaim, "Wow! Barb hasn't aged a day!" Yeah, I'm shallow. I don't want to look old - at least not yet. I haven't earned the wrinkles yet (but, since Katie has her temps, I am sure that I'm going to earn some soon).

Well, in order to achieve such lofty standards and impress people I haven't seen since the high-flying, hair-spray raising 90's, I had to resort to a bit of trickery...a slightly blurry photo of myself.

I found a photo of myself that I loved. Part of the reason why I loved it - it's kinda blurry. The blurry portions erase about 5 years off my face and my teeth look flawless.

This evening, I "asked" if people wanted to be my friend. Feels a little like a throw-back to jr. high when you had to circle "yes" or "no." I usually always got the "no." I sure hope my luck has changed. What happens if someone says "no." Watch...it will happen and I'll be a big 'ole loser.

(timeout...I'm thinking)

I had to think about what I am going to do if someone rejects. Why would someone that I haven't talked to in 20 years from high school want to be my friend? How do they know I'm not crazy? How do I know that they aren't crazy? Can someone stalk in Facebook...am I just wiggin' out for nothing?

Of course, I put the name of this blog into my Facebook. Just so you know, at this point, no one knows this blog exists because I haven't told you about it. Well, that's over - so much for the invisible blog.

It's night-night time and I sure hope I can fall asleep. Setting myself up on Facebook has consumed a great deal of time and effort. I'm not sure what I can do to top that...

Glad I stayed awake...

Usually, I set the tv timer for 30-45 minutes and I'm always (and I mean always) asleep before the tv goes off. But, not tonight. At first, I blamed it on that extra dish of slow-churned peanut butter ice cream...let's all say "yummy!" After awhile, I thought it was because I was subconsciously stressing out about the upcoming week (You know the week where you've got so much to do that you've skated past freaking out and you're cruising 70 mph toward panic, maybe not panic, but definitely panic-like.)

Anywho...I finally woke up 30 minutes ago (at 1:03pm)and came downstairs. GLAD I DID! When to my surprise, I realized that my front door was wide open. Nothing like a wide open front door in the middle of the night - and yes, all of my suburban friends would be mildly panicked, too. This text-book definition of a "God-thing" is the only good reason for insomnia. It's not like I've got a bunch of high end items in my house, but I'm not trying to give it away for free either.

After checking to make sure that a late-night visitor wasn't hiding in my kitchen or basement (if he is, well, he's now locked in the basement), I decided to eat a snack. And, what goes better than a snack: telling your friends that you forgot to close your front door and what type of snack you are eating at 1:32 in the morning.

Here's hoping that I fall asleep soon. But, I can tell you this...tomorrow is going not going to be good...

Decision time...

We went to the dealership because we wanted to test drive a new car. I love new cars...just not new car prices.

After a glorious test drive in a brand, new vehicle, my frugal side emerged and I scooted toward the used car lot in search of an already depreciated vehicle with a few more miles, costing a few less shekels.

At some point, some of you are going to be reading this blog and I know that you will want to scream, "just buy the car and be happy!" And, I will be. But, it's been twelve years since I've had to buy a car. When I was a drug rep, free cars just showed up every sixty thousand miles. Then, I bought the minivan - and I've blocked that experience out. Matt brought his car seven years ago - it was new, but I wasn't there.

So, I'm a little anxious. Love me anyways.

She knows...

I began the day elated...we went and looked at cars yesterday and asked for some online quotes. Since no one in their right mind wants a minivan, it seems there are some good deals to be had on large boxes of metal that are only desirable to women with juice box drinking, sports playing, gigantic backpack dragging offspring.

And I want one.

But, I feel a little guilty. I think the minivan knows that we're getting ready to give her the 'ole heave ho. While we were looking at vehicles, we parked the minivan off to the side so she couldn't see what we were doing. As exciting as it was to look at new vehicles, I did feel bad about the old girl...

Until it rained today. Apparently, the space shuttle knows that her days are numbered. Now, most of you know that the driver's window only goes up 1" every few hours, so I need three days notice before it rains so that I can get the window up in time. But, the piece de resistence was that the windshield wipers just stopped working today...nada, nothing. Which is a bummer when it's raining outside!

I could be embarassed, but since I was driving around with my window down in the light rain, I've already been embarassed and so, a little more embarassment - well, that's just another day in my life. Sigh.

Get out of my house!

It's the night before school starts and right now, it seems I am the only person smiling in my house. We've spent the day doing the stuff you're supposed to do the day before school starts - went shopping for a car (more on that...), ate 'The Last Supper' and went to the park.

So, we went car shopping. No, we didn't buy a car...

New topic...just came home from the gym. Why is it that I can kill myself running for mile after mile at the gym and still come home to eat a bowl of ice cream without guilt. Boy, that ice cream was good.

I've been working on this blog for about an hour. Truthfully, I've been watching the #1 Chick flick of all time for 59 minutes and about a hot minute typing. Fortunately for you all, I'm more interested in the movie.

I'm out.